The dread. The horror. I was so not excited to potty train our oldest because I always assumed it would be incredibly hard and never actually end. I expected there to be bodily fluids (and solids) on my floor 24-7. But I am here to tell you that it wasn’t as bad as I had feared! We got through it and so can you! Everyone’s experience and child is different, but I truly believe the method we use can help anyone.
Choosing the Oh Crap! Approach
At one of our well child visits, our pediatrician recommended the book Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Rightby Jamie Glowacki. He told us that he had used this method with his own kids and that it could help us be done with potty training in a mere weekend. We trust and value his opinion, so we started looking into buying the book. Within a short period of time, multiple friends of ours also recommended the book, saying that it had worked well for them. So we had no reason to doubt! And now we, too, can testify that this method worked for us.
*Note: We used the 2015 edition but a new edition is being released in 2024!
What is the Oh Crap! Approach?
To oversimplify it, Jamie Glowacki’s approach to potty training is a block (or level) system in which your child gradually learns to recognize the urge to go and independently uses a toilet. Each block can be as long or as short as your child needs to master that particular skill. The author recommends that parents start potty training when their child is 20-30 months old and really emphasizes that your child is probably ready before you think they are. The book discusses how potty training is something your child really deserves to learn for the sake of their own autonomy and dignity. And think about how much you’ll save on diapers! The Oh Crap! method is completely bribery-free, which helps kids develop intrinsic motivation to take this big developmental step. And you don’t have to wean your kid off of stickers or treats every time they pee!
Block 1
In Block 1, your kiddo essentially hangs out (ha!) at home naked, at least on the bottom half. You keep a close eye on your kid, periodically reminding them to use the potty (but not too often!). As you remain focused on them throughout the day (or days), you take mental note of their potty cues, or their physical “tells” that let you know they’ve gotta go.
In this block, you should be prepared to clean up a few accidents. It will very likely happen that your kid will start peeing, and you rush them to the toilet, leaving a trail in your wake. And that’s okay! You gently remind your child that pee and poop go in the potty. Your child will likely respond with some form of disgust at making that mess, which works to your benefit, because they will start learning how to avoid it happening again. As time goes on, your child will start to recognize their body’s cues and take preemptive steps to avoid accidents. We were amazed how fast our son started paying attention to his body and rocked this block!
Block 2
Once your child is proficient with block 1, (they successfully use the potty with reminders and rarely have accidents) they move on to block 2! Block 2 is similar to block 1, but instead of being naked, your child is now going commando (pants, but no underwear). This gives your child the opportunity to practice their new skills, but with the added complexity of removing clothing first. Going commando still feels a lot like being naked though, so that encourages your child to continue paying attention to their body’s cues and not get too careless.
Block 3
Time to take your kid’s new talent for a spin. Block three is when you venture out for small outings with your child. When I say small, I mean small. I’m talking 10-minute walk around the block or coming with you to drop off another child at school. You really need to work up to outings that are longer.
Block 4
When your child has mastered going commando and small outings, it’s time to add underwear. Underwear can be tricky, because all of a sudden, it kind of feels like a diaper again, and that may mean your child reverts to old habits. This type of regression is one of the times you’ll be glad you got the book (please, please read the book!). The author walks you through a ton of different what-ifs, regressions, and resistance you may face during the process.
Block 5
This is when your child really is getting it down. They now recognize their body’s cues consistently, can hold it in for longer periods of time, and self-initiate using the potty–that is, they don’t rely on reminders from you.
Block 6
Oh, I didn’t mention naps and bedtime? That’s because that’s actually block 6. The book walks through different ways to approach this hurdle, and there’s a lot of variation in how kids handle it. You can start tackling nap and nighttime potty training on day one, or you can have your child wear a diaper/pull-up exclusively for sleeping until you’re ready to take this next step. One of my favorite things I read in this book is the author’s opinion to always prioritize sleep. For instance, if you’re waking up multiple times in the night to care for a newborn, night training may need to wait so that you can get the rest you need. Or you might just get lucky and have a child like ours that kinda-sorta night-trained himself.
Toddler Potty or Real Toilet?
We opted for having our son use the real toilet as opposed to the toddler potties that sit on the floor. My main reason was simply that I didn’t want to clean up the mess (which I think is a dang good reason). But I also liked that we didn’t have to transition from the baby potty to a real toilet or make extra space in our home for another big item. To make using the toilet easier, we purchased little toilet seats like this one to fit the toilets in our home. I even purchased a foldable travel seat that I brought with me in the first few weeks of potty training and I still bring on vacations. One of our toilets even has a toilet seat/lid with a toddler seat built in! This is definitely the most aesthetically pleasing option. If you go the toilet seat route, you’ll probably also need to purchase a small stool so your child can reach the toilet. I have no regrets with going with the toilet seats and plan to do the same thing with our future potty-trainers. One note though: don’t forget to wipe the toilet down before guests arrive! 😅
Our Experience
We were seriously so relieved that potty training went so well for us. We started our son at about 32 months, so actually a little bit later than the book recommends! But we found that he was totally ready and willing.
Potty training went pretty smoothly for us for the first three blocks. On the first day, we confined our son to one room that was close to a bathroom and laid blankets out over the carpet and furniture to contain any accidents. I followed the book’s instructions carefully and we had a great day playing together with only a couple spills. He learned so fast!
We started having some regression when it was time to put the undies on. The author was right – the tight, cozy feeling of underwear really does simulate a diaper and muscle memory kicks in. But with patience and some extra reminders, we got over this hurdle in a few days.
We had what I think is a fairly uncommon experience with nap and night training. We put a pull-up on our son the first few sleeps, but kept finding that the pull-up was still dry when he woke up. It only took a couple days for him to start asking to wear underwear to bed, and we let him. He had remarkable success, with maybe 2 accidents a week or so for the first couple weeks. From what I’ve heard from other parents, this is not the typical experience though! What I hear from my friends is that their kids (particularly sons) need to wear pull-ups to bed for quite some time after mastering the rest of potty training. The book has lots of information about how to help kids develop their ability to hold it at night!
For the couple months or so, we did have occasional accidents, even when our son had been doing well for quite some time. I think this is to be expected while your child learns to gain complete awareness and control of their body.
Now, our son is three-and-a-half years old and never has accidents. We’ve taken him on trans-Pacific flights, through Thailand, camping, and on car rides up to 4 hours long. He’s done amazing! We’ve gotten used to noticing where bathrooms are when we’re traveling or in public so that we can get to a toilet quickly if he needs one, but he’s gotten good enough that he can usually make it for a few minutes after realizing he needs to go.
Some Quick Tips
Kids can smell fear. If you believe they won’t succeed, they will manifest that belief. Keep a smile on your face and believe in your child. This is an exciting step in their lives!
Expect some setbacks, but don’t be afraid of them. On a similar thread, don’t lose your cool everytime something goes wrong. Setbacks are part of the learning process for both you and your child!
You really do need to watch your child like a hawk for the first couple blocks. If you’re not watching closely, you will miss their cues, and you’ll have more messes to clean. You’ll also slow down the process.
Be prepared. When you leave the house with your child, keep an extra change of clothes on hand, a travel seat, plastic bag, and you can even line the carseat with a cloth diaper!
Read the book for heaven’s sake! She knows what she’s talking about!
Now that I’ve shared my experience, here’s what I need to know: how have you guys gotten over the hurdle of wiping your child’s bum after number 2? One year after potty training and I am so afraid of what the consequences may be if I trust my child to do this himself, but I am so over doing it for him. Help! I want to hear your experiences!
We believe that traveling adds a lot of value and spice to life, and we didn’t want to wait until our kids were older to start tackling our travel to-do list. We absolutely hope to have opportunities to travel sans-kiddos as well, but it’s important to us that our kids get to have some of these experiences too.
We recently took our two boys (ages 3 and 1) on a trip to Thailand! More details on the entire trip and how we managed here! For now, I want to focus on the real beast of the experience: the flights. Our longest flight was 13 hours (San Francisco – Taipei). But on our way there, that was only one of FOUR flights, totalling approximately 30 (THIRTY!!) hours of flying/airports. That was ONE WAY! Luckily, we had great layovers (2ish hours each) – just enough time to go to the bathroom, go through security/customs/whatever, and hop on our next flight.
Here’s a collection of things I learned traveling long distances with two kiddos on planes.
Check your Expectations
(Ha, get it?) But seriously, leave your expectations at the check-in counter and go with the flow. Do not bring them with you on that plane. While I’m by no means an expert on this, I believe the key to success (or at least sanity) on long plane rides with small children is realistic expectations. If you plan to sleep and watch movies during transpacific flights with small children, you will be sorely disappointed. We went in with high hopes and low expectations, so we had room to be pleasantly surprised when things were going smoothly.
Kids can sense your mood and they will feed off of whatever energy you’re harboring. So roll with the punches, keep a smile on your face as much as you can, and laugh at the chaos! It’s not easy to do, but attitude really is a choice, and your kids will learn from you how to handle stressful situations with grace. When your attitude slips (which it inevitably will – I know mine did), model for your kids how you can choose to turn it around, see the good, and find the fun.
What we Brought
A mother in my neighborhood gave me good advice: she said that kids want new toys for a long trip. They don’t need to be fancy, but they do need to be new. She recommended stocking up at the dollar store before the trip so the kids could be enthralled with toys they’ve never seen before. While we didn’t go the dollar store route, I found this to be great advice! For weeks before the trip, I did a lot of shopping around for simple little toys I thought would be fun and didn’t reveal them until the kids started getting fussy and bored on the plane. Not all of the toys we packed were new, but many were.
I received one other piece of advice that I have found to be helpful – ration toys. Only give your child one toy at a time, and cycle on to the next toy only when the first toy has completely exhausted its usefulness. I would add that it’s best to save the best/most reliable toys for when you need them the most!
Here’s what we packed to keep the kiddos busy:
Amazon Fire Kids tablet for our three year-old. We loaded it up with movies and games that we approve of, many of which are actually educational! Make sure these apps/videos are downloaded beforehand! I recommend waiting for a good sale to invest in one of these. They do 40% off fairly often! We brought these kids over-ear headphones for him to use with it. We like the plug-in kind, because they don’t require charging/batteries and can be used to plug into the plane, too!
Suction cup spinners – another mom with kids the same ages as mine recommended these and I am so glad she did! Both kids loved them and played with them throughout our entire 12-day trip. Money well spent. Probably the toy MVP of the trip.
Lots and lots and lots of SNACKS. When all else fails, snacks will save you. While I am an advocate for healthy snacks, please please bring reliable, tasty treats. Tried and tested ones (like fruit squeezes and fruit snacks for us) are necessary, as are new and exciting treats.
Small cars – My boys are vehicle kids, so these were a necessity. The Hot Wheels/Matchbox Cars go everywhere with us.
Foldable felt car board – ours was gifted to us, but it was a similar idea to this. Ours looks like a little city with roads, and the little stick-on felt pieces are cars and road signs. They like driving their toy cars on it too.
Busy board – There are so many options. We just got the cheapest one we could find, and both kids spent some time with it on the flights.
Fidget popper
wiki sticks (I got a no-name brand from walmart) – These are a cool, less messy alternative to something like play doh. My three-year-old liked bending them and making shapes out of them. These would probably be even more fun for slightly older kids.
Finger Puppets – I liked that these can stand up on their own, so they can be played with as action figures as well (since I’m not very talented at puppet showmanship). And they’re familiar characters I thought my boys would be excited about. These didn’t get as much play time as the other toys, but they came in handy a few times.
Coloring Books – we hardly ever pulled these out. Our three-year-old likes coloring at home, but was much more interested by the tablet and Water Wow books on this trip.
LED Doodle Toy. We have a couple of these at home but we chose to bring this one because its pen is attached and can’t get lost under an airplane seat 🙂
Gel cling stickers. We got cheap seasonal ones at Joann, but there are tons of options on Amazon! T had lots of fun sticking these all over the window, wall, seat, and tray on the plane. Some (easy) cleanup involved 🙂
Get Moving
If multiple hours sitting still is difficult (and painful) for adults, it’s near impossible for small children. While flight crews might cringe at this… I say, WALK! Get up out of your chair and walk the aisles with your little one while the seatbelt light is off. My one-year-old liked being carried around on laps around the cabin, and he also liked when I held his hands and let him walk down the aisles. A couple times, we let him play on the floor in front of our seats, too. If you can get away with it, you can even try letting your kiddo play for a couple minutes in the wider emergency row or in the back of the plane. It’s such a relief to stretch your legs and get a small change of scenery! Mobile babies are used to moving around while they play, so sitting on your lap for long periods of time probably isn’t realistic.
Make layovers a respite for your kids by having them do anything but rest (unless they’re really needing it, of course). Find a kids play area, or just encourage them to jump and run around. This will really help them sit through the next plane ride.
Some Random Tidbits
Wear slip-on shoes. Security with two kids is a huge handful, so you’ll be grateful when you don’t have to hand off a little one to sit down and tie your shoelaces.
Consider bringing a baby carrier! Yes, you have to take it off at security but if you aren’t using a stroller (or have two kids and only one umbrella stroller like we did), it was amazing to stay hands free at the airport and beyond!
Bring an extra change of clothes for both kids. We had only anticipated potty accidents and were alarmed when we had a vomit incident and only extra undies and baby clothes in our carry-on. T ended up going shirtless through half of a 6-hour flight and while we scoured the Korean airport for a kid-sized (overpriced) T-shirt.
Cordless headphones. My baby is obsessed with the cords and there’s no way they could stay in for more than a couple minutes at a time while he was awake. So to maintain sanity while your busy baby is awake, I recommend getting a good audiobook (check out Libby or Overdrive!) or downloading some music and podcasts and bringing your wireless earbuds. If your baby is anything like mine, plane movies are just not happening while he/she is awake.
Our travel days with the kiddos went a lot better than we thought they would. By no means easy, but absolutely doable. I hope you got some ideas that will help with your next big excursion with kids. You may feel like you’re in over your head, but you can do it! Just schedule in some high quality down-time when you arrive at your destination, and you’ll be set. A good attitude and realistic expectations will make all the difference. If you’ve done long flights with small kids, leave your ideas in the comments – we need all the help we can get!
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons (TYCTR) is a wonderful curriculum for teaching young children to read. We have also heard that it is sometimes used to teach reading to adults who are learning English as a second language or are coming from a low-literacy background. We stumbled upon it by chance when my mom happened to read about it and decided to give us a copy. Overall, we have had a great experience with it and find it to be very effective! I wrote more about our overall experience with the book so far here.
In this post, I want to cover some of the less-than-ideal experiences we had with our three-year-old while we’ve been teaching him to read using this book and strategies we used to respond to those challenges. Some are specific to this program, but most are just side effects of trying to get a little one to focus on anything, period! We will give some specific tips that helped us, but the biggest thing to remember is attitude–none of these strategies will work unless you’re keeping the reading experience light-hearted and positive.
Attention Span / Distractions
This one isn’t surprising at all… three year olds have short attention spans. Lucky for us, T seems to have a pretty impressive attention span for his age, but it’s still a challenge. Failing attention is what has turned many of these 20-minute lessons into upwards of an hour. When a child’s attention is failing, there are two general approaches to take: 1) use focus strategies, or 2) take a break.
Focus Strategies
Use a stopwatch. This has been working magic for us! T loves to see how long it takes him to read a set of lines or words. We will even set goals to beat, like, “Let’s see if you can read these three lines in two minutes!” It helps gamify reading the stories and keeps him focused and motivated. He loves to push the green button on my apple watch to start the stopwatch.
Invite your child’s stuffed animals or toys to read with your child or watch him read (Disclaimer: we found that this works about half the time for us, and the other half it is actually more distracting)
Ensure that your time and environment are not hindering focus: choose a time/place away from other family members and distractions like toys, TV, etc. We do our lessons at the kitchen table, which is usually great, but occasionally something so small as Dad coming in to get a snack can make T lose his train of thought.
Use a sheet of paper to cover up the rest of the page or reading passage. We found that T often gets distracted by seeing words/sounds on the other side of the page and has to tell us all about them while we we’re trying to get him to focus on the task at hand. Covering them up helps a lot.
Switch things up. Sometimes a simple change of scenery or routine makes a huge difference and adds some variety. For example, we’ll occasionally do the lesson on my bed instead of at the table, or we’ll do a list of sounds/words backward.
Take a break
Rather than fighting to get your child to regain focus, sometimes it’s better to just give them a couple minutes to get their wiggles out. We will often take a two minute break to get a drink, eat a snack, jump on the trampoline, or play before we jump back in. This usually makes a big difference.
Some days, the attention span is just GONE and/or the parent is losing patience. These are the times it might be good to take a longer break and finish the lesson later in the day or just wait until the next day. You may need to backtrack a little, but that’s way better than losing your cool and allowing your child to get upset and associate reading with negative emotions.
Motivation
We want our kids to be intrinsically motivated to learn, but rewards definitely have their place. This is true at any age, but especially for littles. We’re asking a lot of them! So sometimes some deliberate motivation programs can be helpful. This includes praise and rewards. Here’s what’s been working for us.
Praise
Praise your child. Use specific compliments like, “You’ve been working so hard to learn that sound!” or, “Wow, you have been focusing really well today!”
Praise publicly. Take opportunities to praise your child to others, such as a grandparent. Make sure your little one hears you! “I love watching T learn to read. He’s making great progress with sounding out words!”
Rewards
Use a progress chart. This can be as simple as a 10×10 grid like the one you find in the TYC book, or you can use a chart like this. Just find a way to visually convey to your child how much progress they’ve made! This is also a great way to help your child understand what is required to meet a benchmark and help them work toward a specific reward.
Small rewards every day/lesson. For us, this varies. But generally, we let T play on the tablet for a bit after he finishes a lesson (or half a lesson if that’s how the day’s going). We also frequently let him choose a piece of candy if he’s been working hard that day.
Larger rewards every 5 lessons (or however many suits your needs). We told T at the beginning of the program that he had two choices each time he completed 5 lessons. He could either pick out a donut at the grocery store (which we buy at night because they’re discounted!) or pick out a toy at the dollar store (which always ends up being a car/truck). He looks forward to these so much, and we like that it works out to being a reward about once a week (and is super cheap!).
BIG reward when he/she hits 50 lessons (or some other significant benchmark). We let T pick out a bigger, nicer hot wheels truck from a different store. He was so excited about it and felt so accomplished.
For a child who is really struggling with focus or motivation, smaller, more frequent rewards might be necessary. On hard days, we have gotten out a lollipop and let T lick it once after every word he read successfully – works wonders!
Discouragement / Frustration
I really feel for the littles on this one. I can relate to the feeling of working so hard at something and suppressing the absolute rage that accompanies repeated failure, criticism, or setbacks. We know how hard this can be to handle, so let’s do our best to be supportive and patient when our kids feel this way.
Giving Correction
Always mix correction with praise and enthusiasm. Soften the blow however works best for your child. They need to be corrected sometimes, but they also need to feel that correction isn’t a big deal or a negative thing.
Sometimes T handles correction really well, but other times he melts into a puddle of sadness, no matter how nicely I do it. It’s best to correct at the moment of error (and the book gives tips about how to do this effectively), but sometimes a kid’s mood may indicate that you should delay correction for a more appropriate moment, or in some cases, just withhold it and correct it another day if the mistake recurs.
Choose wording that your child responds well to. The book has helpful scripts, but you can always adjust to fit your needs. Some phrases we use are “Can you say that one again?” “I couldn’t hear that word- can you read it for me again?” “Close! Let’s sound this one out together.” “Do you want help on that one or do you want to sound it out yourself?” “That one’s tricky! Let’s try it again.”
While correction is essential to build a strong reading foundation, I have found that there is no need to worry about your child mastering a particular exercise/task the first (or even second and third!) time around, so there’s no need to press it to the point of frustration. The structure of the TYC course includes a lot of repetition over multiple lessons and many chances to practice, master, and apply skills. I can recall no instance in which a new skill had to be mastered in one lesson in order to succeed in subsequent lessons. There’s also a lot of value to letting the concept sink in and process while your child sleeps. So give yourself and your kid a break and wait a few days before you start to drill something.
Help Them See their Progress
Show your child words they can now read in picture books, etc. This is a great way to let your child see how far they’ve come and the fruits of working hard and sticking with it!
Refer back to their progress/sticker chart. Help them see how much they’ve already accomplished! (Warning: stay away from this if your child is really discouraged, because they might see the proverbial glass half empty instead of half full.)
Remind them that at the beginning of their lessons, they probably didn’t know how to read any words at all! Consider flipping back to the beginning of the book to show them what they used to find challenging and remind them that they overcame that obstacle and can continue to accomplish difficult things.
Some Specific Issues We Ran Into
Guessing Words
This one is so incredibly frustrating. Mistakes are easy to correct compared to this. T went through a short phase of guessing/assuming words a lot, but he does it only occasionally now. I guess that’s a natural side effect of starting to read faster and learn sight words rather than sounding out every little thing. I found that a lot of reminders, combined with prompts to “keep your eyes on the page” and “use your finger to point to the word you’re reading” were helpful.
Whether the child is guessing or just making an error, one dialogue that has worked for us is: “I didn’t see mmmmm in that word. What sound is this? [point to the sound] … Yes! Now read the word again.” You can also just underline the word with your finger to hint that they need to try it again, rather than correcting vocally. I think it can also help to kindly reassure your child that it’s okay to slow down, sound it out, or ask for help if they’re not sure about a word, rather than guessing.
Going Painfully Slow
Here, I am not talking about when a child is struggling to figure something out and needs time to think. I am referring to when a child, for whatever reason, is just dragging their feet and taking what feels like minutes between word, sound, or task. You can usually tell when it’s just a behavior rather than when your child is having a hard time with a skill. If you’re a busy parent with limited time to knock out a lesson, this one might grind at your gears like it does to me.
Since T is usually motivated to learn and finish his lessons, sometimes I will tell him something along the lines of, “Look, T. I have other things I would like to get done while E is napping, so if you’re not ready to focus and get this done, I’m going to go do XYZ right now and we can do this later.” Usually he’ll say, “I want to do it!” and his speed and focus pick up significantly. This wouldn’t work on every child, but it works great for us.
Another thing I’ve found is that sometimes validation that he read the previous word correctly helps him move on faster to the next word. Simple words like, “good” or “right” can do the trick, but I found it more effective to repeat the word he just read. This assures him that he did it correctly and can move on, but it’s also a great way to give him opportunities to hear proper pronunciation.
Refusing to Do a Task
There are tons of ways to handle this one, but as a parent, you’re most equipped to predict what will work best for your child. One phrase that worked for us was, “Okay, we can come back to this after the next task.” Make sure your child agrees to this arrangement before you move on. Usually this doesn’t upset the flow of the lesson too much.
Like mentioned before, we’re not above bribery. I will offer a tiny reward (such as a lollipop lick) after small accomplishments, such as every word T reads in a task that he doesn’t want to do.
Rhyming
At first, the concept of a “starting sound” and a “rhyming sound” didn’t click. This was an instance that we ad-libbed the instructions sometimes to help the idea sink in, plus lots and lots of practice. This is one that seems to be easier to show by example than to explain. If they see you doing the exercise, they’re more likely to comprehend what you’re asking them to do.
Reading the Fast Way (Sound it out in your head)
Most of the time, I feel that the suggested wording/script is really effective and following it (more or less) helps me avoid common pitfalls in poor explanations. However, when reading words rather than sounding them out was introduced, I quickly found that this was one instance that using my own wording was more effective. The book suggests phrases like, “Sound it out to yourself before you say it out loud” and “You figure out the word. But don’t say anything out loud until I tell you to read it fast.” T couldn’t figure out how to sound things out silently at first, until I realized that the concept of doing something “out loud” or “in your head” didn’t quite click yet. So I started saying things like, “Keep your mouth closed while you figure out the word, then say it once you know the word.” Whether it was the changes I made, or just practice, I don’t know. But within a few lessons, he was proficient at this skill!
Reading Long Passages
When passages started getting longer (more than a short sentence), T started to resist a bit. I knew it wasn’t because the words themselves were too challenging because he could read individual words just fine. I quickly realized that the long passages felt intimidating and time-consuming to him, even though he was completely able to read them. I started to use a sheet of construction paper to underline the line we were on and hide the rest of the story. It really helped prevent overwhelm and intimidation from looking at a long passage all at once.
Other times, his attention span and willingness really has been pushed to its limit and it’s time to take a break. We will stop before the story, midway through it, or after he’s read through it the first time. We just pick up where we left off when we come back to it and everyone is a lot happier that way.
To Summarize
Attitude is everything! Kids pick up on your mood and tone so easily and will reflect your frustrations back at you.
The script works!… except when it doesn’t. Change the script, your strategies, and your routine as you see fit and as your child develops.
Don’t be afraid to take a break.
Find meaningful ways to recognize, praise, and reward your child’s progress in small and large ways.
Since my oldest was about two, my husband and I noodled a lot on the idea of homeschooling. We know a few families who have had a lot of success with it, notably my sister-in-law and her four kiddos. Hearing their experiences is probably what got us interested in the idea, but we feel like the universe (read: God) keeps pushing us in that direction. What started out as interest grew into an idea that we just couldn’t let go, so we felt that we should give it a shot.
Before I go into more detail, here’s what you need to know about us: we’re a fairly conservative Christian family. There’s a lot of variety in what “conservative” and “Christian” mean to different people, but here’s what it means to us:
We firmly believe that true happiness comes from keeping God’s commandments and striving to live a Godly life.
We aim to have “eternal perspective”, meaning we live our lives with eternal goals in mind, not just worldly pursuits. Our primary measures of success are the strength and love within our family and our efforts to follow and trust in Christ.
While the world is complicated and there aren’t always clear answers to every question, we believe that absolute truth does exist, and we want our children to learn and internalize those fundamental truths.
My husband and I both grew up going to public school, and both of us had great experiences (for the most part). We were privileged to live in wonderful school districts and each of us had lots of support at home. However, in the last few years, we’ve seen a lot of indications that public schooling is heading in a direction that might not be the right fit for our family right now.
Values-Aligned Education
First, we grow increasingly nervous, not that our kids will be exposed to ideologies that contradict our beliefs, but that they’ll be taught those ideologies as undeniable reality rather than as ideas which individuals may accept or reject based on their own discernment and morals. This practice is becoming too common and is particularly dangerous at such an impressionable age, when kids may not realize what’s happening. Therein lies our primary motivation. To take it a step further, something my sister-in-law said once stuck with me. She said (paraphrasing): “The way I see it, God created everything and is the author of truth, so education that doesn’t include God is incomplete.”
Lifestyle Flexibility
My husband is self-employed and works from home with one remote employee. While the business can’t run without him for extended periods of time, he does have the flexibility to take time off for family responsibilities and traveling as needed. We realized that if we put our kids in public school, their school schedules would be the thing holding us back from traveling the world with them. Free from that schedule, we can travel as we wish without worrying about missing too many days or falling behind in school. Plus, we can incorporate travel into our kids’ education and hopefully inspire passion for cultures and areas of study they might not otherwise have been exposed to.
Time
This may seem like an oxymoron, but we believe that homeschooling will be a way to protect our most precious resource: time. We firmly believe that success in public schooling requires support at home. Our hopes and expectations for our kids’ education mean that we would undoubtedly be spending hours every week helping our kids with homework, reinforcing new concepts, and talking with our kids about school. From the stories I’ve heard from homeschoolers, you can get through the same amount of material in half the time at home with one-on-one attention. This higher efficiency means that we will get to see our kids at their best – not just when they’re exhausted from a long, tedious day, and then need to be prodded into completing additional homework, which they will often need help with. There’s more time for play (!), self-guided learning, family bonding, helping around the house, exercise, church activities, and developing passions and talents.
Personalized Education
While I have great respect for teachers and their expertise and abilities, I have much less faith in a system that expects 20-30 (or even more!) kids to learn in one room, at the same pace, from one adult. Inevitably, some kids get left behind, while some kids don’t have adequate opportunities to achieve at the level they’re capable of. Both outcomes are a failure of the public school system, and we want to avoid them. We look forward to being able to teach our kids at their pace, give them one-on-one help, and focus on what interests them most.
The other side of the story
Even with all these great reasons to homeschool, the prospect still seems incredibly daunting. Every day I wonder if I’m making the right choice. I have my concerns and hurdles I know I’ll need to overcome. For one – homeschooling means that I’m having to accept a delay in continuing my own professional career or furthering my own formal education. That is not to say I won’t find meaning, fulfillment, or passion in this season… but significant financial contribution – probably not. I also know that the work of teaching my kids will be tough. We plan to have a couple more kids, so juggling all of their educational, emotional, and physical needs will undoubtedly be a major challenge. For quite a few years, there will be babies and toddlers around who demand attention constantly. We’ll have to navigate that as we go, but I have to believe it’s possible! I will need to develop a lot more patience. I’ll have to (re)learn a lot, especially teaching/parenting skills and strategies. Another worry is that my kids won’t get everything they need- my biggest concern being things like socialization and fun cultural experiences like school sports. I do think though that this stems from wanting my kids to experience what I experienced, even if that’s not necessarily the right path for them or our family.
I am no super mom. I honestly feel that my capacity, energy, abilities, and motivation are severely lacking in comparison to the awesome parents I see around me. It seems like some people can do it all. I’m over here, probably biting off more than I can chew, but praying that God (and my family) will give me grace as I try. Maybe you feel that way too. If so, we’re in this together!
